When the sea’s too far away.
I felt suddenly much taller, this morning. It was a strange and strong experience a few minutes after stepping out from the revitalising shock of a cold shower.
I had slept deeply and, in the physical sense, well but my mind felt stuck in a cycle of negative thoughts and detatched, almost indifferent to any emotional aspects of those thoughts. I felt as if my emotions had been wrapped in a thick wadding of grey and slightly greasy wool, insulation against both hot passionate joy and the piercing hungry cold of sadness and loss.
Some inner janitor had been at work, for sure, without any conscious decisions on “my” part; that could be a theme for another post, not now. There are reasons I am aware of, I am taking constructive action, enough said.
There is a fine line between the positive state of Equanimity and its “near enemy” Indifference; I was drifting into the latter, it feels subtly and uncomfortably different.
I was about to dress in a routine, weary way, when I had a little flash of inspiration, an echo from a surf-related dream in the early hours, the urge for the shock of cold water on my skin. The sea is too far away, here, my ideal medicine, but the shower is good. Sharp, cold and, in the full sense of the word, re-vitalising, I let the water flow until I was no longer panting with reaction, letting the imagined danger of cold pass as I focused on the reality of my sensations – just cold, energising, pleasant.
Drying quickly with a nicely rough towel, I felt awakened and clear in heart and mind, un-wadded, in a way.
I feel more optimistic and clearer in my mind now. The day seems brighter and more full of interesting things.
Have a good, “vitalised” day !